The past couple of days, who am I kidding; the past month has been difficult. Maintaining the healthy path of recovery is not as easy as the average person may think. I have come to the realization that listening and obeying the voices that sometimes accompany an eating disorder goes against my own personal beliefs. I have always been a true believer in the phrase what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and so I have decided to make my new mantra, “eating will not kill me”.
You see not eating is what will kill me. If I continue on this path of restricting, I will remain week both physically and mentally and where is the fun in life if I am too weak to enjoy it? Fulfillment comes when positive goals are met; not eating will most definitely prevent any of my current goals to be accomplished. I need to be strong enough to overcome the root cause of my eating disorder; if I am weak I am only allowing myself to stay in the "dark" place. I need to be strong enough to be a positive role model, not only for my own children, but for the hundreds of children I come in contact with. I want more than anything to be able to educate others and help others struggling with eating disorders.
If I do not eat I cannot move forward. It’s not the eating that will kill me, thus what does not kill me will only make me stronger.